several faces*

a good story?

2012-01-25T16:07:00.002+08:00

hmm.. my mind consumed with stories to tell and to draw.. but I keep distracting myself from them.

I was thinking about our brain, that it must be connected to our soul.
Our soul is eternal, it has memories I believe that the brain can connect to. The organ is our window, our key.. the brain is powerful wow.
And also, numbers! I think numbers are the only facts.
Every word, every sound, every color, there's a number..

numbers.. laws.. order.. chaos (freedom)

I think we love freedom, no matter how chaotic it would become as long as it's our will and our hearts we follow. We are rebellious in nature, but its not an excuse to continually be stubborn.. ahh what to do?
People will always fight, to be heard and to feel equal.
And who are we fighting?
And who will we follow?

There's an ideal person in our minds, that I think if we learn to love Him, we'll all follow.
But right now, we're not thinking about Him, there are many things taking up our time..
I hope, at the least, the stories of people's struggles, pain, love, and faith will matter to Him.

ahh don't mind me..

it's not working and i want it to work

2012-01-24T15:18:00.002+08:00

I installed the MegaTen mmorpg in this primitive PC that I'm using but the game was too awesome for it. The game delivered a stun attack and there was nothing to cure the old machine but to do a system restore -wiped the game off like it didn't happen. ^_^

Bleh..

Oh and yesterday my dad went home, it's still all good!
My dad's a good guy, but me (Tiger), my mom (Tiger) and my dad (Monkey) have temper problems. Sometimes it's Tiger vs. Tiger vs. Monkey, or Tiger + Tiger vs. Monkey lol.
But really, I pray to God that this time, bless us all with patience.. they are the only people that matter to me, even when I feel like no one matters.. They are my family, I can ignore and forget everyone but not them. So, please this time, God.. we want it to work, don't make us all angry and get tired of each other. We've only been together for 20+ years ^^, can we live as happily and harmoniously as we can? Thanks..

And also, we celebrated Chinese New Year.. If money is evil, and we carry it with us everyday because it's a basic need, then it means this world is really too far gone.
To ask help from these spirits who will bring us good fortune and luck, I hope it's just because it's tradition, and faith is only for God.
Please don't let anyone go to hell, this world when people were born, was already headed for its demise.. we are only human and I'm sorry for our stubbornness.
For weak souls and weak minds, confused and blind, we don't deserve heaven but now I think, even those who are guilty doesn't deserve hell as well.. is there a person in his right mind who enjoys and laughs with such mirth when there are people suffering? If there is someone like that, maybe he'll enjoy hell.

.. but I digress lol.

I just pray, that I'd be left alone, that my family will be good with each other for a long time, and that people would be worthy to rest with God in peace, in the end.

now what?

2012-01-17T17:40:00.009+08:00

From stories, and history, the often price of freedom is death and war, paid by the heroes.
But living freely, is also to live in fear I learned.
Even when I was a child, I wanted freedom, to do what I want to do but as we all realize when we grow up, it's not how life is.
..but what do I do? I haven't grown up at all..
I am learning to hate this free world, where we should try to live as selfless as we can and all I did was live for my self.
And people tried to live as best as they can, with discipline and control, but as long as we're alive nothing is enough. We're still selfish.

I don't know how to live. I am free, to do everything even though we have limitations.
But I don't know how to handle freedom.
So much has been given to me, and neither do I deserve it nor know how to be responsible for it.

That's why I like games, rpgs, because it's not a free life. The characters have their own role to follow, and they fight and fight, with a purpose. To live or die for it, they have a beautiful story.
While I.. from a very young age tried and broke free from conformity and restraints in every chance there was, only to end up lost and uncertain.
I did it because I found this reality.. dissatisfying.

This is the price of my freedom..

What will I live for now?

Dear God, will You forgive us because we didn't know the real price of freedom?
Control my life for me, show me how to live to the fullest, using the gifts you've given me, to do something..
Because if not, I'll be left here trying my best to live as happily as I can, surrounding myself with games, manga's, stories.. all for myself. I might paint and draw, but again it's for myself.
I've become so weak, I don't know what to do.

For the current me, it wants to be left alone.
So.. do I work hard to be left alone?
It's selfish right? But it's going to be my goal now, nothing matters.. so Heavenly Father stop me if it's not Your will.

this anger

2012-01-15T21:18:00.001+08:00

...where does this come from?

If I'm not preoccupied with thoughts of MegaTen and the only things that excites me at the moment and makes me smile and giddy, (or watching/reading a bl anime/manga), then I would be extremely very angry.
Bored and lazying around and feeling nothing is in between.

Tonight, I almost exploded at church. Just because I didn't want to go.
I was so angry I couldn't get a hold of my body, it was so stiff for the whole hour.. and I was glaring at everyone lol.
When I cam home my legs are aching, because I was so stiff.
Man, I'm getting worse.

and I'm here

2012-01-10T20:11:00.008+08:00

Reading everything what I can about MegaTen Imagine ever since I started playing it, because researching the game really is needed for a noob like me lol. It has too much content, it's too fun.
..although I cannot focus on playing it yet, so for now I just decided to play it for fun, nothing srs.

Also, MegaTen art commissions seem profitable (for macca and AP points), but again I still can't do that as well, even though I have time. What a miserable existence I know.

Ooohh, also! Browsing around the aeria games boards I found lots of fujoshi's who made bl/bxb pairings with their friends, hehe sweet. :>
This game rightly deserves pretty boy pairings lol.

..someday I'll be able to play it seriously T_T
My level 20 Pure Enhancer will defeat Great Garm, just wait for it lol, when he's like.. 25 or 30.. well, I'll really solo as long as I can hahah.
I plan to make a real serious character though, aside from my two love characters;

senru - for now a Pure ~~Uke~~ Enhancer who's paired with Bicorn, which will undergo a dozen rebirths till I'm satisfied,
and his deranged sister sadako -for now a Pure Melee who's in love with her fated Lost Hua Po.

Until that time though.. I'mma just watch Uragiri Boku.. smth.. haha I have forgotten the title.
Before when I first saw it, I thought the manga was enough for me, but it seems like it's the Yami no Matsuei of these days?
Simple story, tragic, sad, supernatural, BL, good animation, and pretty uke. oh and I'm totally talking about Hisoka, Tsuzuki/Hisoka lives on.
Luka and Tsuzuki are complete opposites, but at least Luka's.. cooler?
Tsuzuki's such a big clueless adult man and his puppy-self imo is disturbing.
Don't even get me started on Ginji-puppy mode lol, I shiver at those.

Ahh, to each his own.

BLASSREITER IS AWESOME BTW.

orange lights

2012-01-06T00:23:00.007+08:00

Around 8:45 PM [010512], my bro Ius was on the way home and is actually just minutes away, when he saw a big very slow moving orange light. He said it was not round, and apparently the tricyle drivers saw it too.

He was home, maybe 5 minutes later. By 9 PM he went to our second floor terrace and called us all up there. In a span of 15 minutes we saw 7 orange lights + 1 strange looking plane.
The first 4 were on the horizon, very far from us. One light was the brightest (biggest) and was stationary. Also stationary were the two lights of the same size which was smaller than the first, and the smallest was moving. Then one of the 2 same-sized lights dimmed, and moved parallel to the smallest light. They were moving West my mom said. And very very slow. Then later the two started to move to the same direction, with their lights dimming first before moving. Although the brightest did go up and curved a little towards us then went to the same direction as the firsts. Oh and did I mention they were moving in a straight line?

They were not planes, because at the same time, 3 planes flew by (at different times of course) going North so we can really compare the difference of the size of their lights, that even if an airplane is very far you can see white, blue and red blinking lights. Also the speed; the orange lights are like really really slow. o_o

And then later we'd see more of the orange lights but they'd be appearing one by one, all same color and all going to the same direction, in a straight path again except for the last two.

The the last one we saw was the best. XD
It came from a different place, I'm not sure of the direction (I'm bad at directions, time and distance) but it came from where the airplanes were appearing. We thought it was a plane because of the direction it came from but, it has orange lights.
Me and my sister were the only ones left on the terrace, and we both said it was coming towards us (the direction in the middle of the two paths; the planes which were going to the left in front of us, and the orange lights were going to our right).
And it really was coming in our direction lol, it was faster, same speed as a plane. It has blinking lights too, I'm not sure of the color of those blinkers because, I dunno I got too happy seeing it above us. But I didn't see any red light for sure.
And the lights were cool, they were not just blinking, they were blinking in rhythm?
Is that how to describe it? Like, the light from the one side blinks first, then the back, then at the other side, then it starts again. I actually dunno how many lights on the object I saw, but there were 3 blinking lights. The front is the orange light, and the biggest.
Although thinking about it now, when I realized they were blinking in a pattern, I couldn't see anymore if there was another blinking light at the front. But it kept the orange light unblinking.

It looked diamond shape to me, and isn't spinning or anything.
It looks like a diamond-shaped plane?! ^^;;
Then it changed direction and also went to our right but it looks like it's going a different way.

It really was awesome, aliens might not be, but UFOs are.

megatennn

2012-01-04T21:27:00.009+08:00

My bro JC went back to Cebu yesterday, but we joined MegaTen Imagine mmorpg a few days ago and its so addicting lol. Story-wise, it's one of the bests I've played, another different game. :)

I'm playing it on my bro Ius' laptop, and it's actually a good thing that I don't have it on my pc or else it'll be worse than MU.

Anyway, I'm still a noob of course.

Lvl 17 ~~TOTALLY UKE~~ of the Enhancer/Melee/Caster sort with my newly fused pretty Bicorn.

It's nice that even if you're a noob, you can pretty much not look like one.

Not to mention pretty characters that come in 3 sizes, small, medium and tall.
My boy's small of course lol.

What can I say? I was on a screenie rampage.

Oh yeah there were girls as well lol, but blogger won't let me upload more pics and I don't wanna upload in PB, but yeah girls exist.

I don't wanna play zOMG anymore lol.
Dunno how long I can pay MegaTen (not my choice) but I'm gonna enjoy it. :)

edit:
Skimming through faqs and guides, I'd say MegamiTen is the game, it has the most customization a player will ever have to work on!
Not only will you be able to fuse demons (which are better than contracting them because the new demon can inherit skills from the previous demons), you can customize them about how they grow!!
You get to have 5 customized perfect demons. T_____T

Also, customizing your own weapons (not sure if equipments also), giving them attributes, also involve demons in the process.
They're not just pets, and they fight WITH you.

Ahh but I'm still a noob, and maybe someday I'll get to enjoy this game fully since I know I won't be able to play as much soon.

i can't read my book

2012-01-02T19:05:00.002+08:00

The one I recently bought, the murder book.

I have a problem with it.
I can't read about ONE person without my mind thinking up stories!
That's why even if I want to read, I do not. :(

welcome 2012!!

2012-01-01T00:35:00.003+08:00

not really a new year for me, because it feels like things are just continuing.. perhaps this Chinese New Year i'll feel the change.

But still, there are resolutions. although i'm not the person who keeps one, i do plan to act on this phrase i've heard/read enough this past year.
BE KIND.
in bold, capital letters.

what ever lessons i've learned, one of the most important things that i have to try and work on, is kindness.

Father, bless us for the coming days, weeks, months.
always hear our hearts, and don't let us do mistakes that we aren't meant to make.
Amen.

special days

2011-12-27T20:29:00.006+08:00

Christmas was fun, a small family reunion from my mother's side was held here in our home. Not all families came because we are in the province and the other families are in the city. ^_^

I was able to watch Paprika, Summer Wars, Ultraman Mebius & Brothers, and Ultra Galaxy also!
I enjoyed Summer Wars the most (amazing backgrounds and KING KAZMA is so cool). But I also had fun with the Ultraman movies lol, seeing the Ace, Tiga, Dyna and others together haha, giddy as a child.

Since my bro JC is here, we'll have a few more days to play his PS2 so I'm gonna be in FF/KH2/Tekken/Persona mode hehe.

Oh and I bought a book, so I can read something when I'm away from the PC and not drawing/writing. At first I wanted to buy Valkyrie, but I got The World's Worst Murders instead. It's not a comprehensive retelling though, it's just a compilation and a brief overview of the cases, but I still love it. I can always go to crimelibrary for the more infos.

Yay we all went out today, (yes I was able to got out of the house lol), ate good food and shopped.
It was a good day, thank God. :)

now off to read more Yuuram/Conram! >D

Zipang

2011-12-23T23:31:00.001+08:00

well from Thunderbirds.. I suddenly came to remember Zipang, don't ask me how did that happen, it's always like that. ^^;

We were not able to finish it, but I'd love to!
I was pairing the two main of course, my first and only uke having the shortest hair ever lol.

It's historical drama anime anyway, but about WWII.. Battle of Midway I think?
of course it's not that accurate.

The ED song is UP because it's really nice.

Kimi Wo Miteiru - Zipang ED

+ a few more songs

4th Ave Cafe - Rurouni Kenshin ED4
Heart of the Sword - Rurouni Kenshin ED3
Waiting For You - Bubblegum Crisis 2040 ED
Migite - I'll CKBC ED
Kaze no Mahou - Popolocrois Story ED
For Fruits Basket - Fruits Basket OP (ahhh this is such a sad OP, people will understand if they see the show. And no no no the manga doesn't exist in my world lol, Kyo loves Yuki, Haru loves Yuki, and uhmm.. Akito is male. That's all.)

I'm still looking for a song, sung by someone in English.. to a scifi anime I had only heard of the title that I also can't remember.. how am I supposed to remember that lol.

ADDness

2011-12-22T18:11:00.006+08:00

well i think i'm going to hell, not for my sins but for the way that i am.
selfishness, impulsiveness, procrastination, being spoiled.. explosive behavior.
specially when getting yelled at, i snap, really snap.

when i get angry at someone, i'll get angry with my eyes, that they would feel extremely judged and at fault. when i meet anger, i counter the person with greater anger and would seldom back down. it's like i'm always ready to fight.. with fists included.

but i like this self more, than my old self. too bad, it seems that the only ones who see this side of me are A PERCENT (yep 1%) of the people who know me.
earlier i thought, i don't want to keep being friends with people that i can't show my real self to.
what a stupid thought haha, just being selfish again..
but it's not that i'm faking, it's just i don't bother showing my real self with them lol.
i dream of being alone, and doing what i want.. thus i feel i'd be going to hell for that.

there's also the problem of keeping friends.. my FB has 500+ friends and i recently tweaked my settings that my wall posts and tagged stuff would only be seen by 13-15 people lol.
leaving them is so easy, it's sad, but they don't need me..

i can listen to one song in a whole day.
it's also easy to detach, when i'm happy.

ah.. i also, have lots of stories in my mind.. to write a book/illustrate the stories in my head is also a dream.
what do i do? i want to start soon..

CLAMP

2011-12-20T22:48:00.007+08:00

ahh as I was reading BL manga online, I happen to see a Fuuma/Kamui art, and I thought, how come I didn't see them before, they were this close with each other?
I was into Kamui/Kotori that time, and I actually love those 3 characters (Kamui, Kotori, Fuuma). Now if I were aware at that time, I would have really shipped Fuuma/Kamui eventhough I dearly loved Kotori.
My sister was nearby and for a minute we discussed about CLAMP and their works.

Man.. CLAMP was like my favorite before, from Magic Knight Rayearth, Wish, X 1999, Clamp School Detectives, RG Veda, Legal Drug... then I remembered Sohryuden. T__T My heart aches remembering this series.
We first saw the animation, before realizing that Sohryuden was CLAMP's, and I think it's still a bit surprising haha. My sister and I love this series so much.
And I'm glad I found the OP [Willing] on youtube. ~~I'mma download now!!~~
UP 4shared

Also the ff songs are really great, UP for anyone who happens to find this.

Wild Vision - Virtua Fighters OP
Trust You Forever - G Gundam OP2
Homework Ga Owaranai - YuYu Hakusho ED1
Yume Mireba - Time Quest OP
Mienai Chikara - Jigoku Sensei Nuber ED1
Shiawase na Kibun - Magic Stage Fancy Lala
Zigzag Seishun Road - Kousoku Sentai Turborangers ED

There are still more I have to upload, OST of Weiss Kreuz, Yuyu Hakusho, Tenkuu no Escaflowne among others.. next time then.

I know things are always changing and all, thus we have great BL mangas, anime and games right now; but I'm gonna say this again, 90s anime, sentai shows and jpop songs were the best~
I wanna watch Turborangers again.

Thinking about CLAMP, I guess I still love my memory of them.. I just didn't like that they won't go all the way with yaoi lol.. Even Kouga Yun was able to do it in her own way. I stopped following them in the first parts of XXXholic and Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles. They will tease and tease, but won't deliver! Tokyo Babylon was fine, but the pair didn't even get together and they die in the end of X/1999. Toya and Yukito are okay though, at least they were together in Tsubasa. In Legal Drug, they have in there one of my favorite pairings, Rikuo and Kazahaya, but they didn't even finished the manga! T_T
/sad sad sad

----------

Last time, I mentioned about Casshern Sins Project and of course it has an obvious distinct art style. It really is shoujo, not moe. From Voltes V, Daimos, Gatchaman, Georgie, Saint Seiya, Charlotte.. all shoujo style. I'm glad Casshern was drawn like that. ^^

EVA shoes

2011-12-19T17:56:00.003+08:00

I apologize for really being ignorant. I dunno what new shows are out there right now, until I saw a model figurine of a robot who has Evangelion-like shoes. My interest went up when I saw a pink version of the robot. T___T

Turns out, it was Tiger & Bunny hehe.
I've read of the title before, but didn't know it was an anime.
OF COURSE IT TICKLES MY BL FANGIRL BONES.
The title itself, straight to the point - about 2 men lol.
I'm sold, along with the pretty character design, and Barnaby the Bunnny you're so uke. <3

I'll go watch it, not right now, but it's in my list.

kuba homare hahaha

2011-12-17T02:57:00.006+08:00

omoh after not reading Okane ga Nai for a long time, I caught up with a year of missed chapters.. I think some of vol 7 up to the latest.
Kanou's first baby word was DIE.
I'm the one who's dying here hahahaha omg.
I love love love this manga!

there's hope for Kanou that Ayase is feeling more okay with him. ^o^
and then the biggest surprise is Homare confessing to Ayase!!
LMAO!! ..can't believe it, in Kanou's face he says he's ready to die lol.
I seriously love Homare for Ayase too.
Oh don't forget Misao, he's character's too cool.
Ahh amazing, you either hate or love this manga.
AND I ADORE IT. Love it to bits.

Vol 9 and still ongoing though.. and the last scanalation/update was July.. T___T
It's really easier to learn Nihongo huh?

I just hope I get to read the end of the manga before the world ends lol.
Same with Crush on You and Komatta Toki ni wa Hoshi ni Kike, dozo~

the most beautiful thing at the moment

2011-12-15T16:00:00.004+08:00

I know I'm a crybaby, and I cry at anything.

But I don't remember crying like this about a game, and no matter how many times I watch it. T____T
FF Type-0 (formerly Agito XIII) END
specially part 2.. showed it to my sister that doesn't cry on movies and games, and she was teary eyed. That was something lol.
Ahh amazing, I'll tell my bro about it when he comes home.

The story is perfect, and I love the REAL ending.
It's perfect like that. Alt ending is just a "what if".
Tragically beautiful, and the characters lives have meaning! I'm in love!!

a fujoshi

2011-12-13T13:17:00.006+08:00

Even though I am a fujoshi, I fangirl on my own, silently.
Reading, drawing, looking for pictures silently. It's just my way. ^^

There are many annoying fangirls, and there are also annoying non-fans who whine about fangirls.
So, heh, I don't care about what others think. It's the best way haha.

I do think though, that BL fujoshi's are better. We don't get into people's throats that ship a different BL pairing. There's no such case, never seen one. When we don't agree on a pair, we walk away, haha.

-------------

Last night, been crying over The Lion King because they happen to show it on Disney Ch. T____T
And then I dunno why but searched for KH and KH2, as well as CloudxAerith / ZackxAerith vids so I cried a whole lot more last night! lol.

& &!!!
I terribly miss KKM, my OTPs Yuuram & Conram, so I'mma read up on fics again.
I don't know if they'll continue the anime, because I don't want to read the manga yet.. but it really has a nice story, it is really heartbreaking if it ever gets serious. It's a light manga though, so I guess it should be touching then? Ahhh I just wish they make Wolfram happy, and let Yuuri and Wolfie end up together. T_T
Yep, I'm still sad, KKM love is breaking my heart haha.

inspired （*＾ー゜)ｖ

2011-12-09T16:03:00.003+08:00

ahaha omo, I really miss a lot.
And missing them has taught me that they really are what I should do/follow, even in my art!
This really makes me happy hehe..

Although I am really slow, but maybe in a month I'll be able to finish this lol.. I have to get up little by little.
PIXELS!!! :D

Also, I remembered *kurot, her old cg drawings specially the RO fanarts, ahh those are ones that inspire me right now. ♪

omg i found it

2011-12-09T00:24:00.005+08:00

I can read La Esperanca again, the scans are so beautiful!! T_____T

I had purchased only the 1st book when I was in college, and had been looking for it online the following years. Now it's available!!
Ahh I promise to buy the 6 books!
So happy~~~

edit:

So I finished it this morning (121011).. beautiful, I really cried waah.
Robert, you.. you were a good person after all!!! (ノД`)・゜・。
Omooh you saved Georges many times!
who am I talking to? lol

Anyway the end was so sweet ahahaha, B E A U T I F U L.

couple rings hohohoho

Yes Georges, I'm sure of it too, fate has worked your entire lives so even if you're apart for the time being, you got fate to back yah up.

my real cure, real anti-drug

2011-12-07T18:35:00.005+08:00

Cure for what, I dunno, but in reference to my previous post of the same date as today, these were the things that reaffirmed my heart that being an otaku/fangirl is the one that will make me happy.
I don't want to forget them anymore because of real life.

These were the videos. ^^

Gundam Wing OP1
Last Exile OP
Jigoku Sensei Nube OP1
Wolf's Rain OP

and the ultimate deciding video was:

ahh, I cried.

This does not mean I want to watch anime forever lol, because I don't like much of the anime now. It became tiring, that I can confidently say 80% of the anime available doesn't appeal to me anymore.

But this made me decide that I want to draw again, to listen to these songs always, to relive my childhood.
Oh my it sounds immature right?
It's in the past and we cannot live in it, but this past comforts me.
My heart and mind, is always escaping reality.
Instead of drugs, these things make me detached from this world.
It's wrong to forget about the suffering of real people, so I will not forget that, but I will live in my fantasy and make it as my reality. I can't escape this fact anymore. It will make me more positive.
And somewhere down the road, I will be able to do something.

a sudden turn of events - long ass novel-of-a-post

2011-12-07T15:14:00.003+08:00

This is an extremely long post of how I rationalize with myself about escaping reality's responsibilities. I will not delete this.

It all begun yesterday. Reluctantly, I came with my younger sister to Makati, as she was applying for a Tech Support Rep job for an mmorpg BioWare gaming account. I wasn't mentally prepared. I just revised my resume the morning we were to go lol, but I couldn't pass up the chance that my sister is going with me. And besides, I got lured by the idea of getting paid to play games, which I might add wasn't the whole truth. What do I know?

I came there in their office, armed only with my intermediate English vocab skills, confidence that existed because I have my sister with me, and a rushed one page resume. It was a whole day process, so they had Resident Evil: Degeneration, and the 2 Star Wars films playing the whole time on their TV for us bored applicants. A grammar-computer/internet knowledge-typing skill test, a group interview, and a one-on-one interview happened, and viola, JOB OFFER.
It was anti climactic, I guess it really is just like that lol. What did I expect? But I at least expected to be happy.. I was like, this is it? I wasn't even wearing business attire, and just had my hair down. No extra effort made. And then I could have this job that pays 14k Php a month. For a procrastinator bum living comfortably like me, this is good enough. They said we were to be a tech support team for the new Star Wars: the Old Republic mmorpg. We would be entertaining calls (I thought it was non-voice!!), but mostly chat and e-mail concerns. For product training we will have to play the game, that made me a bit happy hehe.
But thinking about it this morning when I woke up, because I couldn't think at all when we went home lol, I don't think this what I want. Add to that, my sister won't be taking the job as well. She came from a very stressful call center job for a Cigna account, and she was disheartened to hear that she would be taking calls again. She probably was traumatized.. poor sister, she also loved mmorpgs although she's more disciplined than me haha.
I was conflicted, thinking I'm not yet ready to work but this is a chance to learn about something, to be a part of the gaming world other than just being a player/consumer. After a bit of research though, it became clear that this job is really just like any call center job. We are a going to be a 3rd party outsourced agents (is that a right term?) supporting North American users. I guess there's a possibility of it being fun, if we would end up really playing the game at production.
I'm doubting that. le sigh. All in all, this job would be just for experience and for the money.
The training starts on Monday and we have a few days to turn in our requirements.
And this part is what I actually hate the most haha.
This part of reality sucks lol.

So with these.. concerns, I realized that NOW I am unsure of what I really want.
Do I want something that will make me happy?
Being a bum makes me happy lol.
I am at home, with my mom and my niece, tending to plants, eating home cooked meals and whatever the hell I want. I am as free as I can, but unfortunately I am reminded that I feel free because my Dad isn't here. And he is going to be home earlier than expected.
But even without this reason I know I have to work for myself, for something.. for my dreams?

A few posts before this, I happened to state a bit that I couldn't think.
What I wanted to say was I couldn't decided for my future, my dreams again.
I have to have dreams, and I know I have to work hard for them.
A few trips down my memory lane, of favorite things, of the past things that I obsessed with, it became clear.
I dream of being in Korea when TVXQ5 reunites again.
I dream of drawing again.
I dream of being at home and just drawing, finishing a story.
I dream of being with my mom always.
That's my dream.. it makes me miserable. I am actually crying.. haha.
Oh God Father..
It's because I have a home, a house, money, comforts in life that I don't need to work for the mentioned things. Working is reality, but I can't understand it.
The thought of being away from the safety of my mom and my home, is discouraging too.
Why did I become like this?
I am this weak huh?

What I want.. do I want a career that deals with art, drawing, gaming?

I went yesterday with my sister, with a heart that was just freshly affirmed of the things I wanted to do my whole life. The things I wanted to surround myself with - BL mangas, jpop, gardening, drawing.
I went there in Makati, without a clear plan of the steps to take towards my dreams.
I didn't have a goal. And the internal conflict came when I was suddenly, easily, given the job offer that has a good pay.

Do I have to take the job?
I know I don't want to.
If it is the next step, then I will suck it and take it.
It's such a lazy job though, that coming from a lazy person lol. People would think, if I am here at home wasting my time, why not waste it while earning money for the time being? But then again, I'd be wasting my mental health away too. We all know call center jobs are not worth anything, the only thing we've got going on is the pay.
SEE, I really have many things against this.
But again, I reiterate, if I have to take this job then I will.

With this single event, I am awakened.
That I have to work, because I have to take my steps and decide soon.
To think carefully, of what to do.
I believe, that time should be spent now towards my dreams.

And I'm happy that we still have choices. :)
A casino job sounds better, it actually pays higher and it's not an office job.
I was thinking of looking for short term casino jobs and save money to either buy a pen tablet, or enroll myself in a school. Cooking school, Korean/Japanese language school, or even 3D graphics training school.
I have my dreams, and now I know that for someone like me, it should be my priority.

Long story short, I will now look for the job that will help me pursue the dreams that really matter to me LOL.

With this I'll pray more as well, so it would become clearer.
I will also lay off playing Gaia, and sleep earlier.
I am 25 (although I promise people think I'm between ages 19-21 lol), and I promised to be serious when I reach this age right?
Haha, jia yo!

so old..

2011-12-06T00:40:00.002+08:00

I'm on youtube, digging for old anime OPs lol.
I started with 2 One Piece OPs, both songs by Tohoshinki.
Then Bleach OP 1 & 2, then FMA.. I thought, that was a long time ago.

But then I suddenly thought of Neon Genesis Evangelion, and omg now that was really old.
I was just in highschool, my little brain trying to wrap itself around the anomaly that is NGE. T_T
I still love the song, the animation I didn't realize was old for today's standards.
Makes me wanna see Gundam Wing, Weiss Kreuz, Yuyu Hakusho and even older Sailormoon.. 1990s ahaha!
I honestly cry to GWing songs.

Ahhh those years were the best.

edit:
Now that I've seen the Gundam Wing OPs, I want to cry my gosh.
I want to watch the series again agghh. OK I WILL.
Heero/Relena, my first true (not to mention first het) OTP and still my favorite.
I was looking for that old Gundam Wing het fanfic site a while ago and I can't find it anymore. :[

Speaking of het anime OTPs, I remember there were a few more I liked lol. I thought I didn't have anymore ..
Lantis / Hikaru - MKR
Kanata / Miyu - Daa Daa Daa
Shinji / Rei Ayanami - NGE
Inuyasha / Kikiyo - Inuyasha
Kenshin / Kaoru -Rurouni Kenshin

I think that is all lol.
Now I wanna make a list for my BL pairings haha, definitely next time.

boy princess

2011-12-04T01:30:00.000+08:00

manhwa by Kim Sae Young

I finally finished it! Nice story~
Love love love the costume! 14th-15th century clothes~
The main pair was really sweet, but they encountered a lot, so the cliche happy ending for everyone was very much welcomed hehe.

fast phase

2011-12-02T23:23:00.003+08:00

These days are spent gardening, helping with Ria my niece, and online stuff.
My driver's license already expired on my birthday, but I'm gonna wait for my brother to finish his driving school to renew mine.
Nothing much, no goal and I can't think..

My nights are filled with these things. ^^
I used to get really obsessive, so when I play Gaia I just play it for weeks, when I read manga I get into it for weeks also, when I follow a band I can watch all their uploaded concert vids in 2-3 nights. It's the same with other things, and sometimes they get into months.
Dunno why not anymore u_u;;
Anyway, it means I get to fangirl about more things now lol, in a short time.

But Gaia still keeps me up at times.
I tried getting back to drawing but without a pen tablet or a scanner, it's harder for me to stick to one artwork. I actually am using pixels lol, as in the pencil tool on PS. It's fun hehe!
These recent BL titles kept me up also lol:
Koisuru Boukun
Crush On You
Binetsu no Karute
..actually a lot, I may have to really make my own list lol.

I don't watch anime now, but Over Drive I like a lot. (￣ー￣)/
Yousuke x Terao!!! I'm not the only one yay.
Also, while channel surfing I happen to chance upon the Itachi / Sasuke fight scene and yes even if I really don't care about the show anymore, I apparently am still a fan of ITASASU.
I'm so in love with Itasasu I wanna tattoo it on my forehead.

While we're on the subject of anime, I think I only wanna watch the whole of Gundam 00, Natsume Yuujin-cho (and all of it's seasons), Working!!, Blassreiter, Casshern Sins (Margo you're so pretty) and perhaps K-On!
Natsume Yuujin-cho, I watched the S1 about 2 years ago I think, and I still can't forget about it.
One of my all time favorite!!
Other popular series, I don't care about and will never touch lol. ~~I'm looking at you Hetalia.~~
Kimi to Boku.. I'm gonna stick with the manga hehe.

For fanfics.. only Yunjae.
What happened to me? I used to read A LOT, of every series I get interested in, but now I can't. And even then, I only re-read the old stories that I liked before.
I wanna read some Itasasu, if ever hehe.

TV shows then; finally FOX channel has reappeared again but unfortunately I missed the S1 marathon of Walking Dead. T_T But I will try to watch S2!!
I also like NHK World's At Home with Venetia in Kyoto.
I miss the old Tokyo Fashion Express, they had the Street segment, with really cool photos and the awesome bg music!
And of course 2 Days and 1 Night haha.
I watched the first episode of G8, they're fun. Though I miss G7.
I don't care about groups and their music, but Jiyoung, Woori, Sunny of course, Amber that had a new name, I wanna see them more! ♥_♥
I only knew Sunny, Hyoyeon and Amber before these show lol.

*sigh*
It feels like my mind is moving fast, also my days, but my life can't keep up.
My mind, gets lot of ideas, but it's hard to keep them. It moves on to the next on its own lol.
So I just enjoy the ride, obsess for a night or two.
Anyway, it takes a lot to get my interest these days, but funny I always have something to fangirl about.

DSS

2011-11-24T23:22:00.001+08:00

Dragon Shadow Spell by FlightPlan! (≧∇≦*)

Me and brother JC really wanted to play this even before, but too bad until now I think there's no English version I think?

Anyway, it's an awesome game, with an awesome opening song!

Rainbow by Daylight Fever
..this song makes me miss my bro OTL.

why o why u make me cry T^T

2011-11-22T21:38:00.000+08:00

anything about the Japan quake makes me cry, every time.
so now, I cry again lol. I didn't know Orange Range made a song about the Toho quake.
Here's the song, [ONE]

I love this band so much- because they're Okinawans, because they're all friends, and because they're fun and genuine.

Kisses to these guys.

Yamato haha I'd want to squish your face.

my eyes on you

2011-11-19T02:48:00.000+08:00

Now I don't follow much on kpop nowadays lol, and even then I really only looked at TVXQ.
If there were good songs from other groups I'd listen, but there's only one group I closely followed.
After the lawsuit, only JYJ now. I love their music that they themselves make, and I literally smile and laugh when I see them happy in photos or videos. These people had really touched my heart.
Of course if they reunite.. 5 boys again. ^^

I have no idea of the other bands, and I also have my taste lol.
I noticed DNA (The Boss).
The latter I didn't know entered the Jpop scene, and personally I don't find their songs that good but I like their style. They have good voices, their lives are good and promising. They're still young and will improve, and I can't wait for a really good song from them!
Now as for the old issue of Karam looking like our dear Jaejoong, lol no. Karam is cute, I'm looking forward to see his face mature, then maybe we would see for ourselves how different they are. Karam should be given the chance to have a name (and face) for himself, yes?
DNA is what I call 'fresh face'.
Until now they still look fresh to me haha.
Although no group will surpass TVXQ5 in my honest opinion, I hope that these DNA boys will be as humble and hard working as them.
Will keep my eye on them.

There are a LOT of bands, counting from 2010 to 2011 -the time I really stayed out of kpop and only kept up with JYJ. There are catchy songs from their debuts, but if they all have similar styles, I just ignore them lol.

Oh, there's also this new group AA, they have the usual catchy -albeit a really good- song, dance really well. Their voices are okay live, but it could be better. Do better boys! (￣ー￣)//
They're not that young are they? lol yes I'm implying that they really should be better.
They also caught my attention somehow haha. Their group is new, we'll see.

Because of CDShinki, a standard is made long long ago haha. Lives will determine if they're good. If they're not, sorry but I'll ignore them as well. Music comes first.

memory lane, fangirl heart pt. 1

2011-11-16T23:34:00.000+08:00

When did it start?

I guess it started with the T.V., being an otaku -around my elementary days, probably between 1996-1998. There was YuYu Hakusho, Magic Knight Rayearth, Sailor Moon, Kamen Rider Black, Shaider, Turbo Rangers, Slam Dunk and Gundam Wing among others. Take note that their time-slots at that time were once a week on weekends, usually middle in the afternoon of a Saturday when we're likely to miss an episode because we're having a nap, or a mid morning/noon time-slot on a Sunday after hearing mass.
Gundam Wing had a different slot though, Mondays to Fridays at 4:30 pm, so I really had to hurry and go home from school everyday which takes me 40 minutes to travel lol.
My younger sister and I also fell in love with Japan from this moment, and would read anything in books, encyclopedias, and Microsoft Encarta about the country and its culture. We were already fans at such an age, when anime and anything Japanese were obscure in our country.
There were no mp3s, so what we did was record the Japanese OP/ED songs in a cassette tape recorder haha, omg..
We also dug up old cassette tapes that our dad had acquired from his travels and we found 2 Pizzicato Five tapes.
Those were our treasures!! ♥

＿|￣|○

Around 1999, I was in first year highschool when I first encountered the internet, anipike.com, fanfictions (of the het type), and cable tv. lololol
The latter, a luxury we didn't have at that time, but I had one or two classmates who have them.
Cable for us meant AXN, the only relevant cable channel because of anime of course.
But this year had to be one of the most relevant, because I was introduced to Knight Hunters a.k.a Weiss Kreuz which is my most beloved anime tied with Gundam Wing.

Weiss Kreuz introduced me to yaoi.

Yes, it did, the show was so obvious I had paired Omi with everyone subconsciously.
After that my mind was ~~tainted~~ opened, I can never remove my yaoi goggles anymore.
Heero/Relena retained immunity from it though, while re-runs of Slam Dunk had shown me the awesome pairing that is Sendoh/Rukawa, and I came to realize Kurama and his handsome suitors. （　´∀｀）

Haha, oh the memories..
The very first manga I read, which was actually a manhwa, was also at this time. It was Demon Diary, surprisingly, it was also shonen-ai lol. We borrowed it knowing nothing about BL.

The next 2-3 years, anime really became popular in our country. I was 14-15 years old, in third year high school, when I watched hentai for the first time lololol. It was kind of a marathon with my fellow otaku classmate, with titles like La Blue Girl and Sailor Moon & the Seven Dragon Balls on top of my head.
She was also the one who introduced me to chatting, although I didn't really followed through it. I'd rather be alone reading fanfics lol.
I also was able to do conventions and learned about Comic Alley. Anime shows were being played on 3 television channels at different times of the day, everyday. One of the major TV Networks played it Mondays to Fridays at prime time, with 9 different titles regularly shown every week!
Also, Questor Magazine and Culture Crash Comics came to life.
Collecting pictures, fans, mouse pads, magazines, and cassette tapes started.
We were full pledged otakus and we were in heaven haha.

Jpop at that time for me only consisted of anime OSTs and Utada Hikaru.
Although I could have downloaded with my slow dial up internet connection, I still couldn't have because I didn't know mp3s existed lol.
I was content with just reading Gundam Wing and Weiss Kreuz fanfictions, browsing through anipike and anime shrines -which makes me nostalgic everytime I think about them. Like seriously, how many of my age had seen classic webpages of the old anime shrines? They're really different! More on comic sans, character bios and factual episode guides. They contained lots of info, and less of opinions. Snark hasn't been invented yet. Or if it is, snark wasn't cool at that time.

I don't know when my enthusiasm in anime died down, but Jpop did stay with me. And I was still loyal to reading fanfictions. I just didn't watch every anime that came out because there's no craving anymore.
Anime, became normal.
Though if there were good ones, like Hunter X Hunter, we followed it.

What caught my interest after this was Counter Strike. My favorite nickname/username 'nene' was created. I played for a while but because I just really sucked at it, I moved on to Battle Realms. We'd go to the cafe after school, and sometimes even go out on a Saturday which was unusual in our family lol, just so we could play.
This started my love for computer games. Although of course, there's Final Fantasy, Tekken, Gran Turismo and such, I enjoyed PC games more.
And we didn't have a PS console at home anyway, it wasn't allowed lol.

These were the memories of my early obsessions, from elementary to highschool.
Not only did I grew up with these 'classics', but I really obssessed with them lol.
It's nice to think back.. (^-^*)
My college years would also be posted haha.

adieu MU!

2011-11-14T22:50:00.001+08:00

Mu Philippines is closing soon, due to Mobius being unable to renew the contract. Webzen, according to Mobius, had outrageous demands for the new contract. They might have been negotiating but not anymore. Mobius said they'll keep the game alive as long as they can..

(ノД`)・゜・。

What a sad day for everyone.. in Rance..
Guild rivalries were set aside, guilds were taking screen shots with members, master level characters were outside mingling with us common folk haha.
My brother's guild and allies were the castle holders for 3 or 4 weeks now, the masters swearing to protect the castle till the end lol.

sigh..

7 years.. I played Mu for 7 years.
Although I'm not as addicted as I was before.
Yeah, like really addicted before! ^o^
My path/life changer, if it weren't for MU I probably wouldn't be here? 'Here' is not much.. but this path I had learned lots.
It was the catalyst of my college downfall haha.
Once I went down, I couldn't go back up anymore, and I kept coming back to MU.
Although there were times I stopped, I still go back.

I will miss this game, and the community. A lot of people will.
It was/is an important part of my life, because it holds meaning to me, although it's really nothing but a waste of precious time haha.
It's just sentimentality..

Maybe I'll play another game in the future, and play it like I played MU Ph.
We're not gonna join Global, even if they take us.
This is the last time, till it ends, adieu!

when people learn, people change

2011-11-13T00:12:00.000+08:00

Hoho, never thought I'd post here again, but I'm getting back to my old self.
Although I'm more irritable and spoiled than ever, cynical and wiser too, I feel now that this is my character, I have to hold onto it and improve it.
I will not be easily swayed anymore. ^^

And for all that has happened, depression this year that was worse than before, it involved less crying but more of thoughts on dying and more hurting myself.
I know now, I survived, thank God. :)

The world, we all know and feel, doesn't make sense anymore.
But life is a miracle, we shall continue to live!

A lot has changed, JYJ is alive.
I choose to support them, and will wait for the 5. ♥

As for cassies as well, it is painful, and we have to tolerate a lot.
These people are the embodiment of what's right for us, of fighting Goliaths, hard work and love made of blood and sweat, brotherhood; so we will all try to protect them.

“..feel like I have found myself again for the first time in my life.”
- Changmin
Regarding comeback as TVXQ in an interview (February issue of Women Dong-A)

credit: mission4jyj

To me, means that, things just have to happen.
When we find joy from the hard times that has passed, when we recover after those, it tells us that, just as that, it was supposed to happen. ^^

Although I still don't know if I have found myself already, but at this time I know myself more. It is nice, and gives hope.
Hope, I realized, is not about assurance that a person will have a good future, but it means there's a possibility, and we are free to work hard for it.

Life is.. we are all after its meaning in the end, I pray to God that what he has given me, I will make good of it. That I may start my path to the life for me.

I did quit you!

2011-05-31T22:29:00.000+08:00

Work! last day, last day, last day!!!
I quit!

The last whole week I took pictures of everyone; the 2 kitchens, soda station, commissaries, cashiers, banquet staff, dining staff, the culinary institute, even the security, accounting offices, purchasing office, and the managers!
LOL yep, all of them haha.

They were all really friendly to me, I am thankful for their kindness the whole time I was there.

I AM SO HAPPY lol.

makes me happy just like a pill

2011-02-24T00:14:00.000+08:00

haha I know I don't take them anymore, except for pain killers for my headaches and leg pains.

Being at home at this moment makes me happy.
I don't feel anything serious for a certain someone anymore haha -the feeling left is only of friendship, I'm glad!! Makes me terribly happy.
Computer is fixed, courtesy of my sister's friends, I'm super duper happy!
This song makes me happy,
as well as looking at pictures of Kristen Stewart, Emma Watson, Saoirse Ronan, movie trailers, fanfiction, and just reading online again.
plus, MY EFF'N DAY OFF TOMORROW. HAPPYNESS.

Thank You God for letting my sister pass the board exams!

emotional overload

2011-02-09T02:07:00.000+08:00

It's 2:14 in my cellphone clock, out of my dorm and inside an internet rental shop.

I just.. don't want to sleep.
Visited Ma'am Vicky and spent the whole time waiting for RenRen, whom I treated to Starbucks. Had a lot of talk with them, and more and more everyday, changes are happening in my life again.
These past few days, it's been a roller coaster life.

It's my head, my thoughts, my heart, my health.
I know Coffee makes me suffer Arrhythmia, which somehow I think also makes me suffer migraines again, but I can't stop it. Somehow, if this kills me, so be it haha.

There are many thoughts on my mind, and I haven't been praying enough.
I'm going to apply for a new job soon and then leave The Aristocrat quickly.
Try to move on from Caloy, whom suddenly remembered me again, whom I'm really in love with, whom makes me both happy and hurt so bad haha. Real love huh?
It's like, when we love we're bound to be hurt, just as we're bound to hurt those who loves us.

OMG LIEK LOLOLOL WTF AM I REALLY WRITING THIS?!11!!
Dunno what's happening to me now, there's the feeling of wanting to rush things in my life, not wanting to be stuck.
... fucking shit, I can't concentrate, I'm having palpitations again haha.

I just wanted to write.. too bad I wasn't able to write about how happy I was last Feb. 4 (with Caloy at The Fort and Greenbelt) before today haha, because everything about us suddenly just stopped, again -to be more specific, just last night. I don't understand, and I want to hate him.
And at the same time I'm happy about something, because I'm going to resign soon haha.
Can I die from mental/emotinal overload? I hope so, want to rest.

New life, I'm going for a new life.

flag in the wind

2011-01-25T20:09:00.000+08:00

A lot has really really really happened.
Everything is so fast.. busy days, things changing.. my gawsh, my life experiences are in fast forward.

What I liked about the holidays last year, well there's a few -

-our annual Christmas allowance
-my brother Julius was home for Christmas and New Year
(maybe I'll post pictures here when the PC at home gets fixed)
-my brother's laptop where I played and played and played MU Online whenever I was at home
-the 2 days rest I got after losing my voice
-my family spent Christmas Eve with me at Manila Bay where we had a picnic ;_____; BEST CHRISTMAS EVER.
-and then there was our December 30 Parties Christmas Party where I got a big umbrella LOLOL (left it somewhere >.>), then we went to Padi's Point with my friends from Parties :D
-and another BEST DAY EVER, was December 31 where I got a day off and went home for New Year's Eve.

I didn't knew how these simple days would mean so much to me.

And this January, things sure did change.
Like I'm liking my other 2 supervisors more, Sir Renz and Sir Romeo.
Caloy doesn't text me anymore haha. Enough of them, all of them.
I don't have time for my readings - fanfictions, ATS, whatdoesitmean, the usuals.
STILL, the target of leaving the restaurant in a few months hadn't change.
Because I have to go, to Canada. Bring my family there.
Go to higher ground.
Prepare for the coming times.
See the North Pole shifting very fast? Magnetic Field disturbances? Yeah, it's giving me migraines from time to time lol. I think it says, it's now or never!

.. and I still have a big project planned for me by my dear boss because she thinks I can do it, well thanks but wth, my salary is laughable - it cannot justify the work I had been doing this almost 2 months I've been there.. *sigh*

who are you protecting?

2011-01-14T23:42:00.000+08:00

NO HOMIN..
TVXQ is 5!

｡･ﾟﾟ(ﾉД`)

I feel farther and farther.. I'm keeping away..
There is JYJ, maybe in the future then,
Waiting for now, I'll come back!! :)

I think God can explain

2010-12-16T21:11:00.000+08:00

NO. I'm not questioning where I am and why I am here right now.
I was just listening to this song, I suddenly missed it. Missed stuff from my childhood, 90's music and *N SYNC haha.

Although I won't deny that, it's because I am not happy.
I should be thankful that I have a job FFS!
Yet here I am, complaining how it sucks to deal with the people in the department. Every time I go out and see my kitchen and dining friends, I feel really bad.
It's not that the Parties people treat me bad, though I know they use me since I'm the new guy/girl and way younger than them and I have no choice but to follow and suck it up. I have like 5 bosses in the office which are way older than me except for one, and I have to follow all of them. FUCK.
I fucking hate it hahah. I know this is reality, every job is probably like this, but I know it wouldn't be this hard if I were to be transferred in the dining area as a wait staff, with my dining friends.
Though Sir Ren Ren and Sir Marlo are nicest, so thank God for them.
I want to... sigh.. maybe I can get transferred next year. If not, I'll just work here for maybe around 6 months. It's not about how easy or hard the actual job is, I can do it.
Ahh I fucking hate....!

From the 20-or-so days that I've worked here, I still advice my self to not get close enough with the people to trust them. They will not help you, and they will chew you for the slightest mistakes you'll make.
Don't let your guard down. They are way different, and they think you are too.
They all say you're like a child haha.
I honestly don't know why it's so easy for me to be like this, to seem so innocent and clueless, when at the same time they think I'm serious.
Be strong, hard like a rock, and just.. just finish the year for now.
Be more badass.

GOD HELP ME, help my heart.

Oh and, since I'm in need to get high and I can't find any, KOGAN and NSYNC was my antidrug.
Thank You God for them.

sometimes I just want to hurt somebody

2010-11-27T12:52:00.000+08:00

There are days you feel: good, emo, happy, excited, etc.
And sometimes you're just so fucking angry.
FUCK, shit.
So angry, I want to stay at home, I don't want to fucking go to work that just started yesterday, where I'm not yet ready.
Fuck, you say? Yeah fuck me, I have to do this job so I can finally work for the things I want and want to do without anyone's help.

Sigh... I'm just so pissed, this pent up anger and frustration and anxiety, I have to release because I can physically feel it in my chest.
Same with when I'm depressed for a day, clinical depression/major depression.
You know, when one day you just feel like you want to die, or just sleep for a while.

But yeah, fucking life goes on. And until it goes on, I have to go on too.
So yeah later I'm gonna go to my new apartment with 2 new roommates.
I'm gonna miss our house, and my mum and her cooking, my bro and niece, fucking internet and my bed.
Fuck even gaia.
Ohh but when I think about having the means to play Mu Online again, the idea of working gets bearable. I know I'll enjoy it in the future maybe, before I get tired of it.

Boo yeah, I turned 24 this 23rd. Okay, life goes on maaan, just get (legal) high and tomorrow, all's kinda well.
I know I sound just miserable, but I thank God still, for always helping me.

edit: I didn't go at all and my mom said I'd better go tomorrow morning. :D

truly FML

2010-11-20T23:52:00.000+08:00

I got hired in The Aristocrat Restaurant, which is ridiculously famous, in the Parties Department and I can start as soon as I finish my requirements.
I got really lucky, to have this chance and live the adult world.
I should be happy right?

LOL I just feel like crap.
I terribly miss someone, yep the first ever real love, mai gawsh. Maybe we won't see each other anymore. Yes it's still Caloy, EFF U CALOY. I love you fucktard.
Sorry Jao, and to the others.
Wanted to draw again but my pen tablet isn't working no more, and my scanner is missing a cable.
3 days away from being 24, and the next few days seems so blurry to me.
Dunno how I'll get through this, I know I will with God's help of course, but man feels like it will be hazy days all over again.
I'm scared, FML. I can taste it in my mouth.

Goal is to focus on work, focus on saving for stuff, and try to learn drums a.s.a.p.
Father help me, I'm losing it to anxiety again.

Blue and Yellow

2010-10-17T11:41:00.000+08:00

For the first time I can relate to the songs I listen to haha.

And the best song to describe what happened is this one. And maybe also this one.
I almost freaking fell lol, I was ready but never mind, I thank God for not letting it happen. 2 out of 3, I've still got Jao haha.
But it really doesn't matter to me, but it sure is would be nice haha.

Hmm 2 months, been having my OJT in Aristocrat.
Met lots of people, different people.
Work is work, it's both easy and hard, it's nothing special but it's fun and you make the most out of everyday that you're there.
I like it. :)

I'll do this for 2 years maybe, and then we'll see where life will take me.
I just want to go to different places.

Am I Wry?

2010-08-05T15:15:00.000+08:00

How to stop thinking deep, I mean all people think all the time right? But that deep, most of the time?
Well I do, my mind doesn't stop you know, music and reading should stop it but HA HA tough luck self! -it just makes me think of stories or movies in my head.
Can't stop examining, analyzing everything, myself included.
I'm not being emo lol, but I guess I'm naturally like this. Especially when I'm isolated from 'normal' people not like when I was in TESDA haha.
can't help it, I can't figure myself out sometimes. And yeah, I still want to live alone.
I said before, that it wouldn't be bad to live with my family in the future when I become a reliable person but being with people who biologically has more -for the lack of a better word right now- power or authority on your life because they're my parents, is really bad for my head lol. My life is mine but as weak as I am right now I can't be trusted with it yet. I trust God with it yeah, but I have to do something as well.
I want to puke, don't know what I'm really thinking about, but I'm really troubled that's what.
This comes with perfectionist people doesn't it? sigh.. worrying about myself so much, it's an unconscious habit.
They say I'm a carefree person but dunno how they still say that until now.

Do I sound sad? haha maybe, but not because life sucks or the world is depressing.
The world is beautiful, and life too, so much more to see and experience!
To be with people you love is enough to be thankful to God, and the chance to live everyday.
But I would die if I don't brood, or think, or cry about nothing.
Only our Father Yahweh will understand me, I don't need anyone emotionally, though my family deserves all the prayers and praises which is for now the only thing I can give. They want me to live my own life in the best way that I can.
They have good intentions, but why do I have to feel bad about it?
Boo.

Telling myself to suck it up and just go with their help since I can't take the step on my own.
Like a baby that they have to guide every step of the way and I have to take it now since there's no telling when I'll be ready on my own.
Hate to admit but I probably hate myself, obsessed with trying to be perfect in some ways, when there's no perfect in this world.

At the time I'm writing this, I'm feeling better now.
I'm feeling it, the push for myself to go and face life of a grown up, no matter how mentally dangerous it is.
Yeah, it's really better if you feel it than them saying it to you.
They don't understand the need to prepare for someone like me haha.

I feel that my life (not life itself), is about finding where I'll be safe, natural, confident. In short, at peace - be it in success/failure, alone or not, in altruism or just having adventures.
It's funny that ideally, the only answer is death.
It's not a dark thought, it's the truth.. oh it's wry thought then? haha

I tagged this as a tragedy, hmm it's tragic that I'm helplessly wasting my time.
Definitely procrastinating, my biggest enemy.
But yeah I think I'm ready for the flow of life in the few days!!

this is the push

2010-08-04T02:03:00.000+08:00

Thank God for music, I'm really calm now haha

Maybe today, later, is the start.

I was really afraid and angry earlier, couldn't explain it to Mum and I didn't really even try very hard. No need since it doesn't matter, if I'm able to write here and God understands it's enough.
Everything they want to say, I know already so it just made me feel worse.
What feeling now I have for later is just really nerves and I just needed to pray and a good cry.
(I think I am the definition of nervous, literally, at times like this.)

Oh God Father help me.
Later.. I'm not afraid of being rejected by others, it's being rejected by myself because I failed myself that scares me.
Yeah really narcissistic I know, it has never left, though it lessened.
I'll always be self-conscious.

And they see me writing and writing again lol, well I really wish to at least finish one book before I die. Whatever kind that is...
Ahh life is beautiful, it makes me cry a lot.

days pass..

2010-07-18T20:09:00.000+08:00

Very quickly they did, July 11th, 14th, now it's what? July 18! haha
I did not do anything.
And no plans of doing anything yet.
Everything seems to be in a stand still right now until my dad gets back to the oceans.

And so I'm just reading and reading whatever again.
(oh btw, I tested my headphones with 東方神起 Tokyo Dome Live, playing with the configs to make it more awesome and I just ended up missing them. :( Still I decide to just wait for the good news that we all want to hear.)

Yeah reading, anything. Keeping watch.
Am I just curious? Wouldn't it be better to prepare something, anything, now?
I guess I really am a conspiracy theorist, to have left and still came back but with more clarity, thank God our Father.
So preparing for the dark times ahead, spiritually, mentally and physically, would really earn me the title.
I pray to make the right choices for my family, even if I'm just giving in to my craziness.
Sigh, confusing times, and I may look and sound crazy paranoid (though really very little compared to what others have done and are doing), but I rather that than think everything is going okay.

God's in his Heaven -
All's right with the world!
-R. Browning

I've always loved those lines, and I trust God with His intelligence and wisdom.
Yes as long as He IS, then I will always depend on Him.
What I want to say is, if it's God's will for the world to upturn itself and destroy everything and everyone including myself, I'm okay with it and I don't question it because of trust.
But I will live life with open eyes, ears and mind.
I will still enjoy it, dream of things like I always do, but do it still with a bigger view of everything, and not just MY life.

the in-between

2010-07-01T00:47:00.000+08:00

My tito came and with him comes news of my OJT! haha said, it might start mid-July.
Oh please I hope so, I just want to start.
And speaking of starting, I have to contact my friends again lol, I've been pretty much "hiding" again like I did before. I can't help it.
There's also the baptismal of Bel's daughter aha, guess I have to face it soon then.
I've been no contact to anyone (friends) since the first week of June haha.

I just read and read and watch and listen online, and thinking of learning to hack once the internet begin to become inaccessible so that I can have info sources other than TV. Nice thoughts huh?

Nothing much to say about what I think is happening out there, but I really feel scared and sad for everyone including myself.
I keep watch on Iran because it will start there somehow, just a matter of time.
And then I remember videos and tributes about WWII and Iraq and Afghanistan, and it makes me cry but still makes me feel envious of them who will be able to be there.

.. Your will be done God Father.
We will try everything to live good, but we resign everything to You.
Give us strength, and hope You forgive us for our short comings.

PS. thank you for today, the country was really celebrating!

deceptions

2010-06-27T23:52:00.000+08:00

For all the things we hear and learn that scares us, there's this one deception that makes me sick and puke, more than scaring me.

It's so wrong. Who in stupid's name will follow this!

If I live my life to what I have decided, and not worry about other things then it won't be confusing. But as the person that I am, I have to think about it at least.
Putting myself in others' shoes.
The deceptions that plague this world, of different kinds and levels leave me troubled that right now, it's very hard to know what is the truth for most people.
In time, God will show the truth, and anyway, Jesus is the only truth that we need to know! Because his name and existence means a lot.
The others, are all just curiosity and wanting to know things. But still, in the in-between time of waiting for the revelation, a lot of people will continue to be mislead, or worse be left ignorant.
Whatever I will learn, I know it will help me so I will be strong, even if I won't be able to figure out everything.

We pray that we will be able to tell who and what to trust.
Ah I feel that I am drunk.

current oil spill, it doesn't exist? maybe it's Slusho

2010-06-16T21:06:00.000+08:00

Funny how we're all crazy about the World Cup, even domestic commercials are about them but no one seems to know about the oil spill in the Mexican Gulf???

scientists est. up to 2.52 million gallons of crude a day is leaking.
A lot of information isn't reported, it is scary. And a lot won't be able to care because they don't even know about it!

It's very downplayed, nothing is said anything in the news about how bad it really is. Or anything about it at all! I only know stuff because of the internet.
sigh.. Is it because we aren't directly affected? Well, we just wait then.

But man, I'm pumped up for my reading tonight, a thread in ATS mentioned (not yet done reading this) about 'Deep Sea Drilling'... sounds familiar.
LOL from the ones who gave us Slusho, Tagruato Deep Sea Drilling.
DUN DUN DUN!
I know what comes next.

But yeah this is really serious.

ETA

No news on my OJT yet.
I hope that I can do it soon, and I pray that I start on the right track.
So I can do more, help more. And just be out there, because God knows I need the right push at the right time.
You see my ADD is still shadowing me but fortunately it isn't that bad anymore

Mom, niece and another bro is miles away in Subic to fetch Papa. @_@
May God's will be done.

catching up

2010-06-11T22:46:00.000+08:00

Well hello hello little journal.
Right now, doing my resume for my OJT, in between researching for something totally unconnected and loading a Ghost Adventures episode in youtube haha.

Training is done, assessment was passed and I'll just wait for my license.
Yeah I'm happy :D.
My instructor said I'm a perfectionist (it's a curse) and has an artist's characteristics, I'm really weird aren't I.
Getting ready for my OJT, I hope for Shangri-La please!
And oh, Tuesday my bro JC went overseas already for his ship training, while this Wednesday my bro Julius just went home from his. And my dad's gonna come back soon too... ahh it's okay, what ever is the will of the Lord.

ＯＴＬ
lol that's not nice. I love Papa also, he deserves a lot.
And yeah, my sister is very very sick from her UTI, please let her get better God.

now the real reason for posting lol..

I guess I have some development in the obsession department.
I'm catching up with the third season of Ghost Adventures. Yeah I believe in the existence of spirits, having experienced a lot, fresh experiences from last night and the training center, but nothing harmful. As for the 3 guys, I cannot vouch for their authenticity but I'll believe them, and pray that they'll always be safe.
And man oh man, I'm starting to think Nick is a sensitive.
Spirits mention his name A LOT. I know Zak gets mentioned too but Nick's case, kinda alarming. He reminds me of Jamie, gets called a lot where ever he goes and he has spirit guides.
It is a fact that Nick catches most of the evidences, whether EVP or footage.
So earlier I watched their documentary again, just having seen the episode where they return to the Old Washoe Club and 2 more episodes following that.
(Because Nick gets called again in those episodes and EVPs from Debbie and Mark's site - here and here).
So documentary! Aside from the apparition and catching the dark figure in the hotel, seems to me he got possessed. Slight possession, where you'll be in a trance and nothing more. Before the flying brick moment, he was seriously out of it. Zak kept asking him and he wouldn't answer and just stare and look around. And then before they went to the room he was telling Zak 'this is the room', Zak was like 'what room?', and he answers 'the one I'm talking about.'
Reminds me, they won't tell what was Nick's paranormal experience/s.
Suspicious haha, I'm so bloody curious!!! That's why I'm gonna re-watch and catch up on all of the episodes lol. There, obsession!

..hmm May/June, my last obsession was The Pacific, it's already finished and I miss it yeah. I miss Leckie and his gang lol.
...Though I think I want to watch Generation Kill (and Band of Brothers) more.
Oh and, nights of research about human trafficking because of the film Trade, that really really upset me. I pray that someday, I may be able to help..
Then followed by revisiting my love for The Killers, then Muse, then of course inevitably spending nights on Youtube again haha.
Oh I can't wait for Justified lol.

These 'subjects', I know that this will always stay with me. I do change my feelings a lot and get fed up easily, but if I truly love them I will always come back to them.
I guess I'm really just OC.

hoosier

2010-05-08T20:26:00.000+08:00

finally a chance to download The Pacific episodes again yay!
man i love this man so much lol, i want some leckie/hoosier.
not to mention sledge and whoever they slash him with.
and jay de l'eau T_T
and my gosh haldane/jones!! TT_TT

i miss BoB too OTL

ive been pretty out of the internet for a long time,
but i'm glad it happened, i got to focus more on my studying.
So I'll probably keep this internet absence for a while.. though i've only been watching, downloading and gossiping anyway.. more lighter than the usual stuff haha.

busy busy busy, and more serious too.
never been this serious and at the same time it feels so close to reality, not like my old dreams/plans.
ahhh i guess this is what i had been waiting for,
the job and career that would suit me.

thank God :D
please let me keep this up.

and thank you for the alfred hitchcock and ww2 movies on cable!!

oh yeah my friend from Malaysia called me, very surprised haha..
ive been away from 東方神起 for so long but i'm glad, they still think of me and our villa ♥♥♥
so yeah I'll still go to Singapore!!

time is running out

2010-03-27T00:02:00.000+08:00

what ive been doing.. hmm preparing for my April classes and the trip down South on March 28
and avoiding some part of me (my Toho boys T_T, but this is normal for me - it's been 2 weeks now)
a night spent reading Simon/Ryan gossip discussion on datalounge haha (and funny vids of them on youtube lol)
just like I did with catching up on J2 news but this one took me longer because there's so many stuff about J2
and now it's dried up for me that I'm reading conspiracy theories about AIDS.
I'm sorry I guess it's my ADD kicking in u_u

"I believe cancer is on the rise because of environmental reasons, including wireless devices and processed food. This data is known but is kept hidden from the public."

written in DL,
and it makes me think of the plenty Church scandals arising.
and then train of thought goes to an analysis of a passage in Revelations, I forgot what, about a red.. a red something that is powerful but will crumble from the inside and the church was included as possible matching choices (the other choices were Russia, China, don't remember the others...)

and then I'm a bit sad, while hearing Muse in my head.
because although you have this feeling that indeed, time is running out, in many many ways, nothing can really take away the fear and sadness of it.
don't know how prepared I am, and I just wish before I die to at least give back to my parents and do a missionary work, and that I could pray enough for me and my family and God's children.
I pray my family be safe the most..
Your Will be done. Amen.

oscars

2010-03-08T23:34:00.000+08:00

Jeremy Renner!!! haha I love this guy ^^
and i was dancing a bit, Hurt Locker beat Avatar~ lol
おめでとうございます！

---

dreams and goals are actually different haha,
after 23 years i finally realized it myself.
(even though i've been hearing this since i was 16)

i didn't know how i missed...

2010-03-04T22:55:00.000+08:00

Jamie Bell
- he has new movies haha other than TinTin,
so excited, ancient Roman times setting!!

Sam/Dean - Jared/Jensen
- ahahha i just missed them but not reading any fics,
although same with TVXQ i'm just reading about the gossips.

CSI:LV - George/Eric
- oh how i missed this T_T I decided to watch the latest season earlier
and then I saw Greg again, I thought he looks younger!!
I wanna watch Nick/Greg again even if I have stopped caring too much for George/Eric a long time ago (as a real pair because of George u_u;;)

fanfics not so much..
this is really great distraction.

and Thank God for Yoochun's message!!!

i miss it so much..

2010-01-29T19:59:00.000+08:00

drawing!!
but i can't get into it again, so unmotivated..

here's JJ's hair lol.

happy birthday jaejoong!

2010-01-27T20:24:00.000+08:00

[credit to Umi]

haha it's a day late..
but i was also waiting for xiahzart videos!
junsu was so amazing, with a short video.. i could cry.
im really happy JJ and Yoochun were there! ≧▽≦
these days had been really nice...

the killers moa

2010-01-18T22:28:00.000+08:00

on Jan 31, 2010... T______T
not possible.

hahah I finally watched The Day The Earth Stood Still.
And I liked it, short message was, about people and change.
it's nothing fancy..

....better than Avatar which I only like for the graphics.

earth

2010-01-07T20:59:00.000+08:00

a short show in NHK taught me;
don't treat the earth as a problem to be solved,
instead (we) should love the earth.

mmm it makes sense.

不当な..

2009-12-24T23:19:00.000+08:00

Where are the people who said bad things about ChunJaeSu when they sued??
Where are they, now that seems like (if it's true) there are others following them as well, or at least Hangeng is following.

I'm honestly pissed.. ChunJaeSu were criticized a lot.
NO I don't want Hangeng to go through that.

But I'm angry at those people who were insensitive,
I hope they realize their mistakes and eat their words.

And the ELF's... they say, now they know how Cassies feel.
I just hope they won't go through what Bigeast and Cassiopeia went through.

I know.. not all can be pleased, and even if things happen in front of their eyes,
they will still say bad things about the boys.
They will still side with SME.

There really is no perfect thing in this world,
but people will still try to be happy.
I pray to God and His perfect love,
to please not let these people give up.

hmm

2009-12-24T00:38:00.001+08:00

Christmas is to be spent at home, I rather like it.
haha I manage to reach 7 days of early morning Christmas Church.

another heartbreak

2009-12-21T23:58:00.000+08:00

Hangeng too? why are you alone?

I'm sad, this guy, Yesung, Kangin, they're my favorites in Suju.

Mister Max...

2009-12-13T00:31:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU FOREVER!
You really care for the boys so much.

(pray pray pray...)

うまい~

2009-12-09T12:16:00.000+08:00

Dardan??
I don't know what this is.. but is very good!
delivery from Papa haha (＾∇＾)

sorry

2009-12-06T01:17:00.000+08:00

i feel so sorry for you
i am crying because I feel so sorry for you.

today i've discovered a lot,
and i am not angry at all.
i just feel sorry for you, and the many different people who love you.

i would say... get out of there,
please choose your friends.

but who am i? who are we?

more than being afraid of the future, i'm afraid of you losing your past.

crazy love

2009-11-19T20:21:00.000+08:00

We people are really funny..

when we love someone, and that person makes us proud, we will praise them
& we will exclaim to the whole world how our love for them is the greatest!
but yet.. we criticize them harshly when they do things we don't like.
More than being truthful, we are just quick to judge them.

We are the first to be happy of them,
and also the first to attack them.

I understand.. for trying to be level headed.
We analyze things so much, so we can be sure..
as for not to be hurt, we hold back on love and don't realize it.
So when things get ugly, we are the first to leave.

It is really funny hah

But I'm glad for the love,
that teaches to trust yet opens the eyes.
It is not afraid,
& enables people to achieve lots of good things.
Love is great, Faith is beautiful~!!

I pray that God may continue to help us and hear our prayers,
show everyone the truth!

112109

2009-11-14T18:36:00.000+08:00

wish I could go..

我们坚定坚信坚守!!!

Shenzhen I hope will be a miracle~

信じる。

2009-11-03T19:47:00.000+08:00

I am glad,
that my faith is strong. ^^

Don't ever doubt the good things in life,
when it's clear that God made them.
When there's not a bit fault in it..
Trust in your heart that is guided by God's light and love!

Don't ever doubt TVXQ, and their love for each other.
I love the real Cassies.

STOP

2009-10-29T04:24:00.000+08:00

Stop blaming the boys.
They practically support each others backs.
They won't abandon each other.
THANK KOREAN CASSIES, they've known all along.

AND stop defending LSM.

T___________________T

2009-10-14T22:41:00.000+08:00

DBSK news.. this and this.

lurking and lurking, but I just feel scared and sad right now not to let it out somehow. (and post about them here ahh--)

LSM, you were part of it all along..
even from the H.O.T. fan letter..

We want them out of SM, but how?

*praying for all the best*
--- I remember, the last time I prayed very very intently
was news about DBSK's lawsuit, GOOD NEWS. that was last week..
so everything will be alright.. 八(＾□＾*)

I thank you SME, again and again,
for letting me realize how strong my love is.

scary flood

2009-09-28T23:34:00.000+08:00

we survived the flood,
we "lived" on the second floor of the house for more than a day.
I didn't even seriously thought of taking a picture lol

Cleaning up the house because it was muddy..
feel bad for the others who got it worse.

there are times we really can't do anything about,
It's scary, there's nothing left but to pray and protect the family.
thank God we're safe!

Shelter - Jejung & Yuchun

2009-09-25T18:29:00.000+08:00

HQ 5 minute super clear version posted 14 hrs ago lol.
So happy~ (￣▽￣)ノ！!

The rap is clearer,
JJ's voice sounds so much better heh
the song's more beautiful now

DL from file2hd <333

ahhhh （￣へ￣）

2009-09-12T19:41:00.000+08:00

I messed up the car, so angry I've been screaming on my towel in my closet hahahah.
i bet my mom's more pissed than she was earlier.
sorry OTL

sooooo hate mistakes ah~

:< the 2nd time

2009-09-08T18:51:00.000+08:00

I am in a crutch again, now it's the left foot with a deep broken glass wound, I think it's an inch long and it would probably qualify for stitches but bleeh, didn't go to the hospital. XP
It's not as hard to walk but it's so darn painful. ;w;

Also I opened my PC today and got the WGA notification as a surprise!
Eheh no I didn't download any update at all, so I dunno why I have it downloaded in my system.
Anyway this removed it ---->> Remove WGAn

And now I'm back to fangirling :DDD

it's a little late but

2009-08-04T01:16:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU CORY.
and I love God for Tita Cory.

:<

2009-08-01T00:20:00.000+08:00

Bad bad sprain, my right foot is swelling and I'm using Papa's crutch. :'D

SENSORY OVERLOAD

2009-07-29T00:28:00.000+08:00

It started when I watched Angels & Demons tonight. Then Mr. Ewan McGreggor in full ecclesiastical robes. SOOO KEWL.
And then followed by Thure Lindhardt, he's so cute yay.
Then I learn that Thure was in Into The Wild, man oh man. (I'm thinking that blond guy with his gf along the Colorado River..?)
And I go to the latter movie's imdb page, and BOOOOOOM.
Ben Foster and Giovanni Ribisi's pictures welcome my eyes.

*brain implodes*

add to the fact that Thure's gay yay,
his image becomes adorable in my eyes.

ALSO I LOVE YOU WAYBACK MACHINE.
I was able to find my bookmarked fanfics ;w;

2009-07-27T00:36:00.000+08:00

Browsing just a little bit in dA kills me OTL
coz i was kinda drawing again o.o

yayay for the whole season 2 of Ghost Adventures!

The Killers - Goodnight, Travel Well [link]
from album: Day & Age
Such a good song T_T,
and good album!

no to hetalia I guess

2009-07-06T16:21:00.000+08:00

quote:

"It humanizes historic conflicts by putting faces on them, while still putting forth the idea that there is no such thing as an "evil" country. It's not saying anything about the actions of a country, since it deliberately avoids trying to moralize or excuse, but countries themselves can be selfish, or weak, or dumb, or greedy, but still be worth caring about. Because that's where people live, and people are all of those things."

Good convos.

First heard of it when it was still a manga, and I thought:

'LOLOLOL how cool sooo many moe bishounens ahaha it should be funny, it's just parody people should be cool with it blah blah.'

But my love for history just got bigger and deeper, world war 2 specially.
There are enough films, books out there that humanize war.
To me ww2, even though I was born 40+ years later, is as personal as it can get.
So NO, I'm avoiding this boat.
(And really, I'm over the edge now about animu in general.
There are only very few now that I'd watch and read.)

I just want to make it official hah.
If there are those that make humongous praises and communities for it, then I am at least allowed to do this.

awesome zeigt im Fernsehen!

2009-06-08T22:52:00.000+08:00

Right now at least in my country,

Generation Kill
Ghost Adventures
Supernatural s4
The Wire

& of course, fave shows CSI:LV and GHI. (eventhough now I realize how ridiculous they are)

GLAD TO BE ALIVE
well that's one reason

Death March apology, finally

2009-06-05T02:23:00.000+08:00

After almost 7 decades, for the 75,000 POWs of Bataan, maybe more, and to those thousands who horribly died.

The war atrocities were more than shameful, everybody should at least learn it.

My prayers tonight are for you.

manila times

love-sick

2009-03-26T23:53:00.000+08:00

윤재

a love so nostalgic.. and hopeful at the same time.
I'm always praying!!

Many people love you~

2009-02-23T20:38:00.000+08:00

私は回復！！

if I feel my freedom is threatened,
I'd rather be alone u.u;;
but it's just that they care, so alright. heh.

2008-12-17T20:50:00.000+08:00

今日はとても寒いのです。。。

(≧∇≦)

2008-12-03T23:29:00.000+08:00

soooo i'm still sick.
but when it feels a bit better I sneak off to read

& then i'll get worse again.
/pathetic

wish:
more BL fanarts to make plzzzz

2008-11-17T23:27:00.000+08:00

I pray for my niece to be better..

anyway, 12-5 am there will be a meteor shower : DDD
Haha I am awake till 2 maybe, hopefully it will be cloudless nightsky.

2008-11-12T22:11:00.000+08:00

driving lessons finished today
I can do 80+ kph on the express! （’-’*)

2008-11-06T21:55:00.000+08:00

for Chuusha ♥

driving lesson start to day!

2008-10-23T22:27:00.000+08:00

a redraw from an early work (^^;)

鏡音レン ♪♪

2008-10-23T17:16:00.001+08:00

Len Kagamine mp3

Ike Len Ka (Ikerenka)
Lside(full)
World is Mine

enjoy!

2008-10-22T19:44:00.000+08:00

なぜこれを行うのですか？

私は、私考える再度脱出した。

私の日記はもうアップデートされない (livejournal) 私はさよならを言った。
私はちょうど突然消えた（・∀・）

いいえ、私はそれらを嘲笑しない...それはかなり反対である。

すべては愚かだった LOLOL

とにかく、私だけ遊んでるんだもん！

Ohhh Japanisch ist schwierig.