ADDness

well i think i'm going to hell, not for my sins but for the way that i am.
selfishness, impulsiveness, procrastination, being spoiled.. explosive behavior.
specially when getting yelled at, i snap, really snap.

when i get angry at someone, i'll get angry with my eyes, that they would feel extremely judged and at fault. when i meet anger, i counter the person with greater anger and would seldom back down. it's like i'm always ready to fight.. with fists included.

but i like this self more, than my old self. too bad, it seems that the only ones who see this side of me are A PERCENT (yep 1%) of the people who know me.
earlier i thought, i don't want to keep being friends with people that i can't show my real self to.
what a stupid thought haha, just being selfish again..
but it's not that i'm faking, it's just i don't bother showing my real self with them lol.
i dream of being alone, and doing what i want.. thus i feel i'd be going to hell for that.

there's also the problem of keeping friends.. my FB has 500+ friends and i recently tweaked my settings that my wall posts and tagged stuff would only be seen by 13-15 people lol.
leaving them is so easy, it's sad, but they don't need me..

i can listen to one song in a whole day.
it's also easy to detach, when i'm happy.

ah.. i also, have lots of stories in my mind.. to write a book/illustrate the stories in my head is also a dream.
what do i do? i want to start soon..