i only hit bugs -not

I know it's late, but some people are just so... hopeless.
Fucking hopeless shits.

FUCK.
Step down from your moral high ground and face the reality of stalkers.

I had one, in college. He got a hold of my number and would leave numerous messages and calls using different numbers. He followed me home to my apartment and knew my floor and room number.
He texts me when he sees me in the morning when I'm on my way to school. He knows what time I go home and what street I take to walk home, so I'd change my route and go home at different times. The stalking went on only for a few weeks because I moved back to my family home in the province since my semester was ending, thank God. It was only for a short time but the events made me paranoid! The fear of not knowing when and where harm will come from, it'll mess you up.
Honestly, I would really hurt that guy if he ever had a chance to get near me. I would have done more than what JJ did. I would have fucking broke his skull, do everything to make him hear me, understand me that I don't want him near my person because he scares the shit out of me.
Yes, I am angry at the stalker! Fuck, until now.

Poor boys, the 5 of them, no one fucking deserves to live like that.
That girl he hit is a sasaeng, not a fan, but a bat shit crazy sasaeng.

Seriously, where are people's common senses?

I'm glad there are still many who understand.
Come on, be sympathetic to the boys' plight.
Yeah, John Q anyone?
I know I won't judge you if you snapped too.

a good story?

hmm.. my mind consumed with stories to tell and to draw.. but I keep distracting myself from them.

I was thinking about our brain, that it must be connected to our soul.
Our soul is eternal, it has memories I believe that the brain can connect to. The organ is our window, our key.. the brain is powerful wow.
And also, numbers! I think numbers are the only facts.
Every word, every sound, every color, there's a number..

numbers.. laws.. order.. chaos (freedom)

I think we love freedom, no matter how chaotic it would become as long as it's our will and our hearts we follow. We are rebellious in nature, but its not an excuse to continually be stubborn.. ahh what to do?
People will always fight, to be heard and to feel equal.
And who are we fighting?
And who will we follow?

There's an ideal person in our minds, that I think if we learn to love Him, we'll all follow.
But right now, we're not thinking about Him, there are many things taking up our time..
I hope, at the least, the stories of people's struggles, pain, love, and faith will matter to Him.

ahh don't mind me..

it's not working and i want it to work

I installed the MegaTen mmorpg in this primitive PC that I'm using but the game was too awesome for it. The game delivered a stun attack and there was nothing to cure the old machine but to do a system restore -wiped the game off like it didn't happen. ^_^

Bleh..

Oh and yesterday my dad went home, it's still all good!
My dad's a good guy, but me (Tiger), my mom (Tiger) and my dad (Monkey) have temper problems. Sometimes it's Tiger vs. Tiger vs. Monkey, or Tiger + Tiger vs. Monkey lol.
But really, I pray to God that this time, bless us all with patience.. they are the only people that matter to me, even when I feel like no one matters.. They are my family, I can ignore and forget everyone but not them. So, please this time, God.. we want it to work, don't make us all angry and get tired of each other. We've only been together for 20+ years ^^, can we live as happily and harmoniously as we can? Thanks..

And also, we celebrated Chinese New Year.. If money is evil, and we carry it with us everyday because it's a basic need, then it means this world is really too far gone.
To ask help from these spirits who will bring us good fortune and luck, I hope it's just because it's tradition, and faith is only for God.
Please don't let anyone go to hell, this world when people were born, was already headed for its demise.. we are only human and I'm sorry for our stubbornness.
For weak souls and weak minds, confused and blind, we don't deserve heaven but now I think, even those who are guilty doesn't deserve hell as well.. is there a person in his right mind who enjoys and laughs with such mirth when there are people suffering? If there is someone like that, maybe he'll enjoy hell.

.. but I digress lol.

I just pray, that I'd be left alone, that my family will be good with each other for a long time, and that people would be worthy to rest with God in peace, in the end.

now what?

From stories, and history, the often price of freedom is death and war, paid by the heroes.
But living freely, is also to live in fear I learned.
Even when I was a child, I wanted freedom, to do what I want to do but as we all realize when we grow up, it's not how life is.
..but what do I do? I haven't grown up at all..
I am learning to hate this free world, where we should try to live as selfless as we can and all I did was live for my self.
And people tried to live as best as they can, with discipline and control, but as long as we're alive nothing is enough. We're still selfish.

I don't know how to live. I am free, to do everything even though we have limitations.
But I don't know how to handle freedom.
So much has been given to me, and neither do I deserve it nor know how to be responsible for it.

That's why I like games, rpgs, because it's not a free life. The characters have their own role to follow, and they fight and fight, with a purpose. To live or die for it, they have a beautiful story.
While I.. from a very young age tried and broke free from conformity and restraints in every chance there was, only to end up lost and uncertain.
I did it because I found this reality.. dissatisfying.

This is the price of my freedom..

What will I live for now?

Dear God, will You forgive us because we didn't know the real price of freedom?
Control my life for me, show me how to live to the fullest, using the gifts you've given me, to do something..
Because if not, I'll be left here trying my best to live as happily as I can, surrounding myself with games, manga's, stories.. all for myself. I might paint and draw, but again it's for myself.
I've become so weak, I don't know what to do.

For the current me, it wants to be left alone.
So.. do I work hard to be left alone?
It's selfish right? But it's going to be my goal now, nothing matters.. so Heavenly Father stop me if it's not Your will.

this anger

...where does this come from?

If I'm not preoccupied with thoughts of MegaTen and the only things that excites me at the moment and makes me smile and giddy, (or watching/reading a bl anime/manga), then I would be extremely very angry.
Bored and lazying around and feeling nothing is in between.

Tonight, I almost exploded at church. Just because I didn't want to go.
I was so angry I couldn't get a hold of my body, it was so stiff for the whole hour.. and I was glaring at everyone lol.
When I cam home my legs are aching, because I was so stiff.
Man, I'm getting worse.