This feeling of anger that I get, also makes me feel isolated, subdued and vengeful.
Lel, it's like 2005/06/07 all over gain. Or was it 2008 or 2009?
When it happens, I can only think of suicide, but obviously that's out of the question.
Then I could always run away but it's hilarious and pathetic that I can't even go out of the house, my anxiety will kill me.
What's left is self harm and breaking things again, but I don't want them to think I'm attention seeking, so maybe I'll just try to disappear from their sights. Oooh this could be the right time and motivation to finally practice disappearing in my head?
Is that why my dreams are that way, always running away? It has been like that for 2 decades I guess, hiding and escaping from something.
Sorry, I'm petty and immature, and weak and crazy, too sensitive and too angry.
Somewhere, someone wrote "..just happy to be alive."
Considering many things, the stupid stuff I did, yeah.. I should be happy to still be here.
But this makes me question though that I might be suicidal as well? I mean, I know about being clinically depressed, but I really didn't think I was suicidal. Then I remember the time I slept with a knife, or times I put a belt on my neck, or my anti-depressants, and when that dark moment became unbearable I say a bit of prayer and suddenly calmness comes and that's one of the two reasons I truly never cross the line. The other one's hell btw.
So am I?
le edit:
Surprise surprise I'm not angry with anyone anymore, after a few days.
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