Man that's hard. I am poison to them.
I don't even know if I love my family.
My ugly self that they don't want to see, is someone who tells me that they should not deserve my happy self as well.
It's like I'm punishing them. It's weird and this is wrong.
I hope to not forget, but I certainly will, sure of it.
So my plan is to really be alone.
I have to, it's the only answer. There's probably no cure for NPD.
We don't have therapists like in the U.S., I think.
Besides, no one wants to acknowledge it's inside me.
The more perceived flaws I see in my family, the more I hate them.
What's wrong with me? They don't deserve that. They're normal people.
I am toxic and I should be alone.
Stop blaming them, even if they don't want to see.
Stop protecting myself from them.
What I did was very bad, no excuses.
...so be independent, emotionally and physically.
Somehow, I want to do it through art.
Someday it will happen.
God help me, I want to try living without hurting anyone.
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