Am I Wry?

How to stop thinking deep, I mean all people think all the time right? But that deep, most of the time?
Well I do, my mind doesn't stop you know, music and reading should stop it but HA HA tough luck self! -it just makes me think of stories or movies in my head.
Can't stop examining, analyzing everything, myself included.
I'm not being emo lol, but I guess I'm naturally like this. Especially when I'm isolated from 'normal' people not like when I was in TESDA haha.
can't help it, I can't figure myself out sometimes. And yeah, I still want to live alone.
I said before, that it wouldn't be bad to live with my family in the future when I become a reliable person but being with people who biologically has more -for the lack of a better word right now- power or authority on your life because they're my parents, is really bad for my head lol. My life is mine but as weak as I am right now I can't be trusted with it yet. I trust God with it yeah, but I have to do something as well.
I want to puke, don't know what I'm really thinking about, but I'm really troubled that's what.
This comes with perfectionist people doesn't it? sigh.. worrying about myself so much, it's an unconscious habit.
They say I'm a carefree person but dunno how they still say that until now.

Do I sound sad? haha maybe, but not because life sucks or the world is depressing.
The world is beautiful, and life too, so much more to see and experience!
To be with people you love is enough to be thankful to God, and the chance to live everyday.
But I would die if I don't brood, or think, or cry about nothing.
Only our Father Yahweh will understand me, I don't need anyone emotionally, though my family deserves all the prayers and praises which is for now the only thing I can give. They want me to live my own life in the best way that I can.
They have good intentions, but why do I have to feel bad about it?
Boo.

Telling myself to suck it up and just go with their help since I can't take the step on my own.
Like a baby that they have to guide every step of the way and I have to take it now since there's no telling when I'll be ready on my own.
Hate to admit but I probably hate myself, obsessed with trying to be perfect in some ways, when there's no perfect in this world.

At the time I'm writing this, I'm feeling better now.
I'm feeling it, the push for myself to go and face life of a grown up, no matter how mentally dangerous it is.
Yeah, it's really better if you feel it than them saying it to you.
They don't understand the need to prepare for someone like me haha.

I feel that my life (not life itself), is about finding where I'll be safe, natural, confident. In short, at peace - be it in success/failure, alone or not, in altruism or just having adventures.
It's funny that ideally, the only answer is death.
It's not a dark thought, it's the truth.. oh it's wry thought then? haha

I tagged this as a tragedy, hmm it's tragic that I'm helplessly wasting my time.
Definitely procrastinating, my biggest enemy.
But yeah I think I'm ready for the flow of life in the few days!!