Thank God for music, I'm really calm now haha
Maybe today, later, is the start.
I was really afraid and angry earlier, couldn't explain it to Mum and I didn't really even try very hard. No need since it doesn't matter, if I'm able to write here and God understands it's enough.
Everything they want to say, I know already so it just made me feel worse.
What feeling now I have for later is just really nerves and I just needed to pray and a good cry.
(I think I am the definition of nervous, literally, at times like this.)
Oh God Father help me.
Later.. I'm not afraid of being rejected by others, it's being rejected by myself because I failed myself that scares me.
Yeah really narcissistic I know, it has never left, though it lessened.
I'll always be self-conscious.
And they see me writing and writing again lol, well I really wish to at least finish one book before I die. Whatever kind that is...
Ahh life is beautiful, it makes me cry a lot.
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