It all begun yesterday. Reluctantly, I came with my younger sister to Makati, as she was applying for a Tech Support Rep job for an mmorpg BioWare gaming account. I wasn't mentally prepared. I just revised my resume the morning we were to go lol, but I couldn't pass up the chance that my sister is going with me. And besides, I got lured by the idea of getting paid to play games, which I might add wasn't the whole truth. What do I know?
I came there in their office, armed only with my intermediate English vocab skills, confidence that existed because I have my sister with me, and a rushed one page resume. It was a whole day process, so they had Resident Evil: Degeneration, and the 2 Star Wars films playing the whole time on their TV for us bored applicants. A grammar-computer/internet knowledge-typing skill test, a group interview, and a one-on-one interview happened, and viola, JOB OFFER.
It was anti climactic, I guess it really is just like that lol. What did I expect? But I at least expected to be happy.. I was like, this is it? I wasn't even wearing business attire, and just had my hair down. No extra effort made. And then I could have this job that pays 14k Php a month. For a procrastinator bum living comfortably like me, this is good enough. They said we were to be a tech support team for the new Star Wars: the Old Republic mmorpg. We would be entertaining calls (I thought it was non-voice!!), but mostly chat and e-mail concerns. For product training we will have to play the game, that made me a bit happy hehe.
But thinking about it this morning when I woke up, because I couldn't think at all when we went home lol, I don't think this what I want. Add to that, my sister won't be taking the job as well. She came from a very stressful call center job for a Cigna account, and she was disheartened to hear that she would be taking calls again. She probably was traumatized.. poor sister, she also loved mmorpgs although she's more disciplined than me haha.
I was conflicted, thinking I'm not yet ready to work but this is a chance to learn about something, to be a part of the gaming world other than just being a player/consumer. After a bit of research though, it became clear that this job is really just like any call center job. We are a going to be a 3rd party outsourced agents (is that a right term?) supporting North American users. I guess there's a possibility of it being fun, if we would end up really playing the game at production.
I'm doubting that. le sigh. All in all, this job would be just for experience and for the money.
The training starts on Monday and we have a few days to turn in our requirements.
And this part is what I actually hate the most haha.
This part of reality sucks lol.
So with these.. concerns, I realized that NOW I am unsure of what I really want.
Do I want something that will make me happy?
Being a bum makes me happy lol.
I am at home, with my mom and my niece, tending to plants, eating home cooked meals and whatever the hell I want. I am as free as I can, but unfortunately I am reminded that I feel free because my Dad isn't here. And he is going to be home earlier than expected.
But even without this reason I know I have to work for myself, for something.. for my dreams?
A few posts before this, I happened to state a bit that I couldn't think.
What I wanted to say was I couldn't decided for my future, my dreams again.
I have to have dreams, and I know I have to work hard for them.
A few trips down my memory lane, of favorite things, of the past things that I obsessed with, it became clear.
I dream of being in Korea when TVXQ5 reunites again.
I dream of drawing again.
I dream of being at home and just drawing, finishing a story.
I dream of being with my mom always.
That's my dream.. it makes me miserable. I am actually crying.. haha.
Oh God Father..
It's because I have a home, a house, money, comforts in life that I don't need to work for the mentioned things. Working is reality, but I can't understand it.
The thought of being away from the safety of my mom and my home, is discouraging too.
Why did I become like this?
I am this weak huh?
What I want.. do I want a career that deals with art, drawing, gaming?
I went yesterday with my sister, with a heart that was just freshly affirmed of the things I wanted to do my whole life. The things I wanted to surround myself with - BL mangas, jpop, gardening, drawing.
I went there in Makati, without a clear plan of the steps to take towards my dreams.
I didn't have a goal. And the internal conflict came when I was suddenly, easily, given the job offer that has a good pay.
Do I have to take the job?
I know I don't want to.
If it is the next step, then I will suck it and take it.
It's such a lazy job though, that coming from a lazy person lol. People would think, if I am here at home wasting my time, why not waste it while earning money for the time being? But then again, I'd be wasting my mental health away too. We all know call center jobs are not worth anything, the only thing we've got going on is the pay.
SEE, I really have many things against this.
But again, I reiterate, if I have to take this job then I will.
With this single event, I am awakened.
That I have to work, because I have to take my steps and decide soon.
To think carefully, of what to do.
I believe, that time should be spent now towards my dreams.
And I'm happy that we still have choices. :)
A casino job sounds better, it actually pays higher and it's not an office job.
I was thinking of looking for short term casino jobs and save money to either buy a pen tablet, or enroll myself in a school. Cooking school, Korean/Japanese language school, or even 3D graphics training school.
I have my dreams, and now I know that for someone like me, it should be my priority.
Long story short, I will now look for the job that will help me pursue the dreams that really matter to me LOL.
With this I'll pray more as well, so it would become clearer.
I will also lay off playing Gaia, and sleep earlier.
I am 25 (although I promise people think I'm between ages 19-21 lol), and I promised to be serious when I reach this age right?
Haha, jia yo!
I went there in Makati, without a clear plan of the steps to take towards my dreams.
I didn't have a goal. And the internal conflict came when I was suddenly, easily, given the job offer that has a good pay.
Do I have to take the job?
I know I don't want to.
If it is the next step, then I will suck it and take it.
It's such a lazy job though, that coming from a lazy person lol. People would think, if I am here at home wasting my time, why not waste it while earning money for the time being? But then again, I'd be wasting my mental health away too. We all know call center jobs are not worth anything, the only thing we've got going on is the pay.
SEE, I really have many things against this.
But again, I reiterate, if I have to take this job then I will.
With this single event, I am awakened.
That I have to work, because I have to take my steps and decide soon.
To think carefully, of what to do.
I believe, that time should be spent now towards my dreams.
And I'm happy that we still have choices. :)
A casino job sounds better, it actually pays higher and it's not an office job.
I was thinking of looking for short term casino jobs and save money to either buy a pen tablet, or enroll myself in a school. Cooking school, Korean/Japanese language school, or even 3D graphics training school.
I have my dreams, and now I know that for someone like me, it should be my priority.
Long story short, I will now look for the job that will help me pursue the dreams that really matter to me LOL.
With this I'll pray more as well, so it would become clearer.
I will also lay off playing Gaia, and sleep earlier.
I am 25 (although I promise people think I'm between ages 19-21 lol), and I promised to be serious when I reach this age right?
Haha, jia yo!
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