hypocrisy

Shame on me for not realizing that I have been treating my youngest brother the same way my dad has been treating him when the old man is in one of his 'moods'. I feel bad for my brother, because the way I've been treating him is really disgusting. I get mad at my dad for that but I unknowingly am like that as well. I'm sorry. Family is the only thing of value I have now.

And these days it's so hard, so hard to not be angry.
Dear God, I'm angry all the time. Easily infuriated with every little thing.
I want to rage, hit something, break things and curse so bad I'll be eating soap for the rest of my life.
And I'm trying so hard to stop it that it makes me cry.
No more, I don't want to curse anymore.
I don't want to show anybody that I'm angry anymore. It will all just come back to me in the end if I let it. It'll be my fault as always.

I want to do something.. but I said I won't because I have to still see Hulk win a grand prix. It's so pathetic I know.
My motivation for controlling my anger and not doing anything drastic is him and Alonso haha. At present they take precedence before my very own soul because I have this absurd idea that if I say or do something awful their fortunes in F1 will get directly affected.
And it works, it's frustrating but it stops me.
You see, if I think about my soul then it's just me affected then.
Anything to help, to keep breathing, though whatever for I have no idea.

Yes I pray, and will continue to do so until I can.
Frankly, I don't know why I'm like this anymore.