But right now my hands are cold and shaking.
I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to be happy, or angry, or sad, or content, or feel anything anymore.
God please don't get angry if I kill myself.
There really is nothing for me to live for, not even hope that I'll stop being a bad person.
I'm a foul-mouthed bully.
Please. I love many things but I don't want it anymore.
God bless everyone and everything that kept me occupied -games, reading twitter, reading tumblr, MCU, Bucky, Stucky, Sebastian lol.
I want to get a rope so bad but it's making me cry because I can't and I'm really in my shift at the shop right now. It's horrible that I can't read anything on the internet that will enlighten my thoughts because I will really cry buy then.
There is no one to talk to because they've heard it all before and it'll probably seem to them that this is nothing. That this will pass. It usually does but it's so hard to show them I'm scared when I get like this and it's real every time.
I hate people so bad, they make things ugly. And right now it's funny that I don't feel anger, just helplessness.
I've decided to get a rope later because I really can't right now.
If this is still depression then I don't know why anymore.
Everyday is just me doing things I want, being lazy, being annoying, but trying not to get angry and yet failing. So selfish and weak. Living only for myself and hating it. I want to kill myself so bad because I deserve death.
I'll stop here.
Still alive.
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