They don't understand why I don't like people looking at me - it irritates the hell out of me, makes me feel dirty. I don't like going out, hate the heat, hate public places, that I'm only comfortable when we use a car.
I've been commuting for the past days between two houses because nobody wants to feed the fucking dog.
I get angry so bad, still.
I don't like it when one house is too crowded.
No don't want to go to confessions because after that I get to have communion again and I realized why I hate it just now. Walking to the altar and getting back to my seat is such a miserable task for me.
I just try, and go out when I have to but even waiting for a public transport is such a burden.
They can't understand I don't like going out. Nobody gets it.
And it makes me feel bad that I feel bad in the first place.
Oh there was this one time, I lashed out because my brother kept on insisting that I go and visit my mom's stand at the city. And I just kept saying I don't want to go, but he kept on asking why. They can't surprise me like that, my body and brain goes to shock or something. I just cried and screamed because it's difficult to explain why.
Nobody understands.
Right now I'm alone, just the dog with me. I feel safe and at peace.
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